Ever heard of a saying, “Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.”? Of course, you have and you may have suffered from it once in your life if you are lucky or chronically if you are not careful. Jealousy can take either the subtle form of an occasional hateful sideway glance or ‘I wish it was me’ attitude or it can plunge you into the dark and dangerous side of backstabbing, bitching and tearing others down. Unless you are an angel-which I highly doubt, you have at one point or other experienced pangs of jealousy. It’s human to be occasionally jealous but it cruel to allow harmless admiration of your friend’s life turn into an ugly and dark obsession that leaves dead dreams and broken hearts in its wake.
Signs of jealousy
How do you know whether you are jealous or not? How do you tell what you have is a normal human tendency of wanting what others have and not some monstrous trait?
Sign # one Tendency to tear others down
When a friend performs better than you or seems to have their life in order, how do you feel about them? Does it motivate you to work harder and be the best you can be or does it leave you seething with anger? A jealous friend would rather tear a successful friend into pieces than celebrate her. Sweetheart, if you can’t handle your friend’s success, give her a boot- she is too good for you. Tearing her down won’t build you. You only have only two choices, you either grow up or befriend your class and type.
Sign # two A penchant for belittling your friends
If everyone in your circle has to be short for you to stand tall, you are one heck of a friend. Jealousy will turn you into a nasty woman who runs down her friends by giving disparaging remarks especially in their moments of glory. I would rather run for the hills than befriend a person who makes me look and feel small. If you are my true friend, I expect you to be my cheerleader and not a freaking mean rival- the world is full of them.
Sign # three Propensity to upstage your friends
What would you feel if the best man in your wedding publicly proposed to his girlfriend during your ceremony? What if he went ahead and told your guests that the girlfriend is pregnant? You would probably declare him the jerk of all time and hate him for the rest of your life. Guess what? When you upstage your pal and steal their thunder when they are celebrating a big moment you are being a jerk just like an obnoxious best man.
Sign # four Extreme competitiveness
In the world we live in, being competitive is a requisite for survival. We tend to compete for and in everything. It’s okay to be ambitious and zealous in pursuit of your goals but it does more good than harm for you to be ruthless, aggressive throat cutting rival to your friends. What does it profit you to gain the whole world by killing the very people who have always held you up only for you to end up alone? Female friendships are supposed to be havens of peace. We go to our girlfriends for comfort when the world has battered us. Don’t allow jealousy to turn you into a monster. Your girlfriends need you, the world is a tough place for the modern woman- that’s why sisters ought to stick together.
How to overcome jealousy
- Acknowledgement – You can’t change that which you can’t acknowledge. Honest self-assessment will help you identify the underlying issues that are nurturing this ugly trait. Share your struggles with close friends-I’m assuming you have some left. True friends will support you and continually hold you accountable.
- Quit comparing– Comparison takes so much joy out of your life. You are a unique person and other people’s success is not your failure. Stop violating yourself through comparison. Other people’s lives may look complete and flawless but you neither know what goes on behind closed doors nor the price they have paid.
- Count your blessings– There is an old inspiring hymn that goes, ‘Count your blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you…’ Counting your blessings fills your heart with gratitude and a grateful heart is an allure for blessings. Always remember there is somebody out there praying for what you take for granted. Be grateful. A dose of gratitude every day keeps jealousy away.
- Keep the right company– If you are walking in the company of four jealous people, you will be the fifth one. Associate yourself with grateful people who have a positive attitude and zest for life. It will rub on you. It is better for you to be alone than to be in the company of bitter, discontented and loathsome people.
- Rediscover your self-worth– Know who you are, your goals, your focus and your truth. Be comfortable in your own skin and be unapologetic about it. Determining your self-worth is your business and not your friend’s responsibility. When you truly know who you are, you will be able to love, support and appreciate your friends without coveting their lives.
Jealousy is an ugly thing. It can turn you into a disgusting and loathsome human being. So do yourself a favor and get your act together. As William Penn says, “The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.”
Lots of love and cheers!