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How to Love a Man Without Loosing Your Identity

I love country music because I find it thoughtful and deep. The other day I listened to Dolly Patron’s “Mountain Angel” and I was taken aback.  As most country songs, this is a story about a beautiful girl from a modest family. She was mommy’s baby and Dad’s pride and excelled in everything she did from school to church and home.

The sweet gorgeous lady meets a man and the sweet story changes the girl from sweet beautiful lass who is everybody’s role model and envy to a woman who is to be pitied. The actual words that Dolly Patron uses are as follows:

She gave up everything for him that mattered in her life
All the others that had loved her and she vowed to be his wife
She dreamed of bearing children in an ivy-covered house
The mountain angel’s sunshine turned to clouds
The wicked handsome stranger left the way he came
Broke her heart and broke her mind
She never was the same , they say he was the devil
That had come to steal her soul, She never loved another it was told
They say she had a baby, some say that it had died
They it’s just as well, as it had been the devil’s child
They say good conquers evil , but here, evil won the prize
So the mountain angel took to the wild.

The song made me wonder, why do so many women love men and loose their identity. Why do we fall in love and immediately loose who we are as we assume titles of wives, girlfriends and fiancée? Is it possible to love without loosing your identity? On several occasions I have sat across the table with a girlfriend who is in love or newly married. When I ask them how they are doing, they keep on babbling “my husband/boyfriend this, my husband/boyfriend that” and most of the time I have looked them in the eye and exclaimed, “I didn’t ask how he is doing, I asked how you are doing!!!!!!” On several occasions they have judged me harshly, accused me of envy or even called me a bitch.

Love is not about pegging your hopes, aspiration and dreams on a man neither is it making him an axis around which your life rotates. Love is not about being your partners clone but it’s about sharing, it’s about acknowledging you have different personalities and temperaments and knowing how to complement each other.

So sweetheart, love him with all your heart since Love is like a fever which comes and goes quite independently of the will but don’t loose your identity. Love with both your head and heart and not with your heart only. Keep your family and friends close; you might need them in future. Allow your confidants to give you their opinion about prince charming just incase he is a wicked handsome stranger. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst and please, if he ever breaks your heart do not take to the wild but gather your pieces and stich them together even if its in tears because he was not worth you. Always remember who you are and no matter what hold onto that beautiful image of yourself and don’t loose it because the day you do your life is over.

About Jenny

I am a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother who believes in discovering the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life by allowing it to inspire me and holding onto the belief that God uses the ordinary to do extra ordinary things in the lives of others. I believe that i do not have to be in possession of a great talent for my life to be magical. I can move mountains and change the world I live in by embracing whatever I have with a grateful attitude and nurturing my mustard seed to an amazing tree of greatness. I believe that I can begin and nurture great relationships, I can do an incredible job in my workplace irrespective of my title, I can be a great homemaker and can manage the resources that God has given me as a great steward. I am a firm believer of the Proverbs 31 not as a God’s judgment yardstick but as a sign of God’s confidence in the feminine clan and his perception of the incredible power he has given women. Yes I believe that ‘feminity’ is fascinating and God’s best gift to women.

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